Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
