I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
