so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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