i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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