see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
