Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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