I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
