apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i will never coherently bang her
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
