So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
