What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize