He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
