the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
