I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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