I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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