Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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