WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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