Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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