meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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