allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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