cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The air was thick with penises
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
