So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
