If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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