i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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