This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
