3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I cockslap morals
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so let's talk penis.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Randomize
