I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Umm I'm too high to move.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
