it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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