P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The struggles of a small town man whore
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
