This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
