Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize