cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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