I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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