why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
