I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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