i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
