I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
