I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize