Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
