Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
