dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
