she was so not down for the gang bang
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
