If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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