Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize