Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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