You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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