did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
