Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
