have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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