Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
