It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
