Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
