saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
