I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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