The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I understand Curling. That high.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
