Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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