I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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