Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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