apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
