doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
