Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
