I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
