She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize