you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize