Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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