Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
