He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
