i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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