we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
