Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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