I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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