You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
