You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
