Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
