I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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