You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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