I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize