he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
