I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
