He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
