i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
