And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
