I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
