hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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