I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
