i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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