My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
