Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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