I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
