I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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