I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
