Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
