Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
