someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
