dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
