i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
