I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
