i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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