Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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