Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
