finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
