i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
