I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
