direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize