we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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