I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
