youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
