you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you will always have a special place in my vag
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
