dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize