Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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