I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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